This no school thing is fantastic, it has been one week now and

This no school thing is fantastic, it has been one week now and if I had enough energy I would be climbing the walls. Finals were a bitch, but they always are. I cannot believe that one year is done and gone, only one more to go. How fucking sweet is that? It’s Splenda sweet. We had the obligatory end of the year bash, much revelry was due. I am totally blaming the game of beer pong as what did me in. I got really wasted off of cheap beers and as doctrine would state, I made an ass of myself. It has to be done, what can I say? And who would have thought that I, me of all people, would suck so hard at a simple game such as beer pong? I usually can hit a target with precision and accuracy like an autistic child plays the piano. It didn’t help that my opponents were on a roll and psyched me out with a profile naked beer belly with hair. It still makes me shudder. It was fun, drunkenly hugging all of my classmates telling them love you, going to miss you over and over again sloppily hanging on to their shoulders. I have a month of nothing to do and when I start school again it will be my rotations, so basically I will only see my classmates once every five weeks. I am lonesome and bored without a schedule to follow, bad head is starting to creep inwards. I already cleaned my apartment for the first time in so many months. I put away my papers and my books, found a bunch of stuff underneath the piles I had forgotten, like bills and old fortune cookies. I even cleaned the refrigerator and I never do that. I kind of forgot about this whole Christmas thing. I realized like two days ago that I have less than what, three or four days left? Oh shit. I got my mom the required collectible kitchen dish towel calendar so that’s done and done. The problem is my dad. So he’s been losing a pound a week due to the radiation and cancer but my dad is like a 3 XL. Holy cow, literally. My mom suggested I try for flannel pajamas, t-shirts with “sayings” on them, and a new baseball cap, since he has fifty of them. Whatever. I went to Wal-Mart, I am not too proud. I am thinking that the average low brow chain store shopper would be at least a 2 XL but I was wrong. That size was the maximum. I got some stuff I needed that was way over priced, what the fuck? Hair mousse for $4.88? You bastards! Lucky for you I have straight and low volume hair and needed that shit desperately. The cashier was a cunt when I argued about a price check, I could have bitch slapped her right upside the mullet. I lost the challenge, too. And the fucking vending machine ate my fifty cents and did not produce the promised Sam’s Club pure water I ordered. I hate Wal Mart, they can fuck themselves. Perhaps I am a little tense, I think I have the PMS. Next I went to TJ Maxx, thinking that maybe the big sizes could be there, they seem to have cast-offs, right? I found some t-shirts, like all five of them, but I can’t see my dad wearing some pdiddy shit or the sleeveless tops. Okay, say you weigh 300 lbs. I suppose you would be hot all the time and require sleeveless t-shirts, but seriously? No one wants to see that. Really. No, I am telling you. Please, don’t. Serendipitously, Casual Male XL was in the same plaza and yes, I did yell “Serendipitous!” out loud to myself. I walked in and I have never felt so small in my whole life. I am 5’1” and these clothes I saw were like taller than me, or is it longer? Bigger? How about huge? I felt like a fucking midget and I do believe everyone in the store turned around and stared at me like they have never seen anything as small as me before. They gawked. And I guess the “casual” male wears dress clothes. Hmm. They did have pajama pants, which are also called “lounge pants” which is nothing but a trend, people, a trend. No tops for the bottoms. Why can’t we have matching pajamas? For the love of god, a top and a bottom, just like the good old days? The man has arthritis, he needs a long sleeved pj top. Man, I am getting so pissed. The t-shirts were way to expensive for my grad school budget. Thirty bucks for a 50/50 blend? Come off it. Why can’t dad be a 2 XL? He could have anything he wanted. I mean, what is the difference? How much could it be? I did buy him a shirt from the internets that has the name of my school on it, I think he would like that but it’s backordered and oh my god, it’s a 2 XL. It’s the thought that counts. I don’t know what to do. I did look at the baseball caps but I don’t know what he would like, I am sure he has a Patriots hat and a Red Sox hat. The Celtics? Fuck that, they suck. Dammit, I just looked at Target online and do they have pajama sets? Fuck no, just pants or shorts. I need an old man store. Why is there not a store for the older gentleman, exclusively? Corn cob pipes, suspenders, and those plaid paper boy type hats that were all the rage during the Depression. I am fucked. That’s where I stand right now, kind of bored and a lot fucked. To Be Continued….